I LOOKED AROUND AND REALIZED THAT I WAS IN ONE OF THOSE SPOTS WHERE THERE WAS NOTHING AND NOBODY, AND I REALIZED THAT I COULDN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD SEEN ANYTHING OR ANYBODY.
NO BIG DEAL. JUST CHANGE THE TIRE. PUT ON THE SPARE.
I STEP OUT OF THE CAR AND AM BOMBARDED BY THE BIGGEST, MEANEST, AND HUNGRIEST HORSEFLIES I HAVE EVER SEEN. THEY ARE ON A MISSION. "EAT AMERICANS!"
.
. (I'M SITTING WITH JEB AT CHAO ITALIA HAVING BREAKFAST AND HE IS WAXING THEOLOGICAL TODAY)
BUT, I'VE GOT TO CHANGE THE TIRE. SO THE WAR IS ON. I LOOSEN THE LUG NUTS AND FIGHT HORSEFLIES. NOT EASY, BUT I GET IT DONE. THEN I PULL OUT THE JAPANESE JACK. (THE REAL, OLD FASHIONED, AMERICAN CAR JACK HAS GONE THE WAY OF THE FLOOR BOARD LIGHT SWITCH). STILL FENCING WITH THE DEMONIC FLIES I GET THE CAR JACKED UP.
THE TIRE WON'T COME OFF. PULL AND TUG AS I MIGHT, IT IS STUCK. THE FLIES FROM HELL ARE LAUGHING AND GOING TO TELL THEIR FRIENDS TO HURRY FOR FOOD. BY THIS TIME, I AM WALKING UP AND DOWN THE ROAD JUST SHOOING FLIES AND WONDERING HOW AM I GOING TO GET THIS TIRE OFF. REMEMBER THERE IS NOTHING AND NOBODY NEAR.
I TRY FLAGGING A CAR FOR A MINUTE TO NO AVAIL. I THEN NOTICE A ROAD SIGN AND A TINY DIRT ROAD ABOUT 1/2 MILE AWAY AND I FIGURE I CAN EITHER STAND HERE AND BE EATEN ALIVE ( THEY WILL HAVE TO CALL CINDY MOORE FOR MY DENTAL RECORDS TO IDENTIFY ME), OR WALK DOWN TO THAT ROAD AND SEE IF THERE WAS ANYTHING TO IT.href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaOrNRSK1gBfKu8H-4GFRU_0_5ZUGVvG4pE6Iweu-rL8MldpsKCJptxwzLrBX3ZTLPs21jJx3_D48KL-815H-E7tK5mM8U0AHl3md3KAphPHunJfV-OJlTno5qufkFfrrIxKTgQlipekvD/s1600/IMG_0248.JPG">
I WALK DOWN THERE THINKING, WHY DIDN'T I PUT ON MY RUNNING SHOES SO I COULD DO MY RUN RIGHT NOW. THE ROAD IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PATH, BUT I FIGURE I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE (I CAN NO LONGER SEE THE CAR SINCE IT IS SURROUNDED BY OTHER WORLDLY HORSEFLIES).
I HEAD TOWARDS A CURVE IN THIS PATH HOPING TO SEE SOMETHING ON THE OTHER SIDE....NOTHING.
DEJECTED, I THINK ABOUT TURNING AROUND WHEN I HEAR THIS WHINING SOUND, LIKE A WEED EATER. I WAIT AND SOON I SEE THIS INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL SIGHT. A 40 YEAR OLD RUSSIAN ZHIGULI. (THAT'S A CAR). IT SLOWLY MAKES IT'S WAY TOWARD ME, (THINK MR. BEANS VACATION AND THE OLD GUY ON THE SCOOTER) AND INSIDE ARE THESE TWO YOUNG GUYS FROM A VILLAGE SOMEWHERE DOWN THIS PATH. THEY STOP AND GET OUT OF THE CAR. THIS WOULD BE A PERFECT PLACE TO KILL ME IF THEY WANTED TO. THEY DON'T WANT TO. I TELL THEM THE SITUATION AND THEY STAND THERE THINKING FOR A MOMENT. CURIOUSLY, THE HORSEFLIES DON'T BOTHER THEM. THE HORSEFLIES ARE AFTER EXOTIC FOREIGN BLOOD ONLY.
THESE GUYS TELL ME TO HEAD BACK TO MY CAR AND THEY HEAD BACK TO THEIR VILLAGE. ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER THEY PASS ME HEADED TO MY CAR. THEY ARE THERE WHEN I GET THERE GRINNING AS THEY SHOW ME A BIG HAMMER THEY HAVE BROUGHT FROM THE FARM. THEY DIG IN THE TRUNK AND PULL OUT TWO PIECES OF FIREWOOD, CLIMB UNDER MY CAR AND, USING THE STICKS OF FIREWOOD AS EXTENSIONS, BEAT THE TIRE OFF FROM THE UNDERSIDE.
TRIUMPHANT THEY CLIMB OUT FROM UNDER THE CAR SMILING HUGE, TOOTHLESS SMILES. PROUD OF THEMSELVES. WE PUT THE SPARE ON AND THEY TURN TO LEAVE. I WANT TO PAY THEM FOR THEIR HELP, BUT THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT ANYTHING. I INSIST, BUT THEY REFUSE. I ACTUALLY FIND THIS SPIRIT OFTEN HERE, AND IT IS ALWAYS REFRESHING. AS THEY ARE LEAVING I ASK IF I CAN TAKE THEIR PICTURE AND THEY TAKE THEIR HATS OFF BASHFULLY AND POSE. AS THEY DRIVE OFF, I SLAP A 500 RUBLE BILL ON THEIR DASH BEFORE THEY CAN REFUSE AGAIN....AND THEY ARE OFF.
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